The real Jesus of history, not the mystical creation of Paul that forms the basis of the teachings of the Christian church today, taught that very thing. He understood that people needed to support each other; and that the problem with the world is that it was too me / survival / competition based. Whether one believes that Jesus died for our sins or died because he was 'fool' enough to teach such a radical concept that had the potential of upsetting the order of things, you have to eventually conclude that his radical ideas were supplanted by the 2nd century by the mystical concept taught by Paul. The world at large (which comprises most people on FB) is not, and likely never will be ready for Jesus' concepts. Most people do in fact follow the me / survival / competition mode of thinking and did so centuries before Jesus; right up to the present time; and, it’s likely, for millenia to come. That's why it's so important that we connect ourselves to people who share what can only be considered an altruistic utopian belief of being supportive rather than competitive. Nonetheless, and admittedly regretfully, we must adopt the me / survival / competition mode in our dealings with the world at large lest we find ourselves 'nailed to a cross'.I for one believe that Jesus died for the latter of the two reasons stated above; and that he was not divine, but a human—a human with a great, if utopian and unrealistic, human idea which he himself at least attempted to live—that we should help and support each other; do unto others as we would want done unto us. When I say 'attempted to live', I am acknowledging a conflicting, and as yet unreconciled concept about Jesus which affects somewhat the interpretation of those teachings—namely, that he, like the rest of us, was given to prejudice and dislike of other people(s). In that regard I am thinking of his negative feelings for the Gentiles. His teachings were really directed to his followers who were Jewish, living in the Jewish culture of the time. In any event, his idea survived to this day, though it was overshadowed by the mystical religion that ensued from Paul's teachings because those latter teachings were easy and required little of people—just that they believe. I believe that it was overshadowed simply because it was utopian and unrealistic in our everyday lives with the world at large. As happens all too often in life, we have thrown the baby out with the bath water. We have forgotten that those teachings nonetheless do have applicability in some circumstances; and that we must be observant to discern those circumstances lest our whole world be self-serving, vile, cruel, and evil.
Friday, September 2, 2011
JC Superstar vs The World
A Facebook post today that essentially complained about people (presumably on Facebook) making rash judgments and using their words as weapons of the most violent nature. It alluded to Jesus and their not being crucified; which I interpreted as essentially saying that the people making the rash judgments were not acting as Jesus might have taught or wished. I posted a comment that I wanted to share here since it’s instructive (I think) of how I feel about people and society in general; the teachings of Jesus relative to our behavior; and real life expectations about people’s behavior and how it relates to Jesus’ teachings. Following is that comment:
Thursday, August 11, 2011
My Inner Search for Faith and Religion – Thoughts and Conclusions
I just finished reading a bunch of stuff about religion in general and ‘Christianity’ in particular. It’s been a search that I avoided and certainly delayed for decades. The last piece I’ve read is about the man who highjacked Jesus and ‘created’, out of the Crucifixion event, the mystical seed of the Christianity that most of us know today. That man of course was Paul. In the meantime I’ve read and thought about the many con- and a few pro- religion ideas I’ve seen posted on Facebook by various individuals. I’m more or less at the end of my search now. What I’ve read and thought about has confirmed for me the importance of Christianity to me from a cultural perspective; and the lack of importance of the standard creedal tenets of Christianity to my faith. What I want to share here are three conclusions I’ve reached about faith and religion in general as well as our beliefs and our search.
First, it occurred to me that in our collective search perhaps thousands of ‘students’ (i.e. scholars) have written countless more documents seeking to find ‘The Answer’ to questions about God, Jesus, and The Christ; or seeking to prove their opinion regarding something that can neither be answered nor proven, because the raw information required just isn’t available to definitively do so. In producing those documents the writers have been supported by the rest of us in our vain hope of finding an answer—‘The Answer’.
Second, over the millenia more has been written than can possibly be read by the rest of us. Recognizing that fact in some way, we either throw our hands up in frustration and choose to reject religion wholesale as a confusing morass (which in fact it is); or accept, on blind faith and without thinking, some religion, any religion (or more specifically its creed or someone’s interpretation of that creed) that makes us feel good or at least better about life. This applies whether the person is/becomes an atheist or is/becomes a devout ‘Christian’.
Third, faith can be irrational, based on nothing but an idea and containing all sorts of fantastical, farcical, and perhaps totally unrelated ideas; or it can be ‘totally’ rational, having been thought through logically and meticulously starting with whatever and however limited information might be available. The ‘type’ of faith people gravitate to depends entirely upon the mix of intellectual and psychological needs and abilities contained in the organ residing at the very top of our body. How we believe is a function of our entire being which includes the record contained in our brains of our life experience. Consequently, it is very unlikely that all the talk in the world will ever change it appreciably—unless, of course, we remain emotionally and intellectually open and honest to such change in the face of new and reliable information and ideas.
First, it occurred to me that in our collective search perhaps thousands of ‘students’ (i.e. scholars) have written countless more documents seeking to find ‘The Answer’ to questions about God, Jesus, and The Christ; or seeking to prove their opinion regarding something that can neither be answered nor proven, because the raw information required just isn’t available to definitively do so. In producing those documents the writers have been supported by the rest of us in our vain hope of finding an answer—‘The Answer’.
Second, over the millenia more has been written than can possibly be read by the rest of us. Recognizing that fact in some way, we either throw our hands up in frustration and choose to reject religion wholesale as a confusing morass (which in fact it is); or accept, on blind faith and without thinking, some religion, any religion (or more specifically its creed or someone’s interpretation of that creed) that makes us feel good or at least better about life. This applies whether the person is/becomes an atheist or is/becomes a devout ‘Christian’.
Third, faith can be irrational, based on nothing but an idea and containing all sorts of fantastical, farcical, and perhaps totally unrelated ideas; or it can be ‘totally’ rational, having been thought through logically and meticulously starting with whatever and however limited information might be available. The ‘type’ of faith people gravitate to depends entirely upon the mix of intellectual and psychological needs and abilities contained in the organ residing at the very top of our body. How we believe is a function of our entire being which includes the record contained in our brains of our life experience. Consequently, it is very unlikely that all the talk in the world will ever change it appreciably—unless, of course, we remain emotionally and intellectually open and honest to such change in the face of new and reliable information and ideas.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
A Thought and Question about Faith, Religion, and Evil
Faith, involving a belief in something, is about a personal system devised by individuals to explain that which we are both awestruck by, and find inexplicable and incomprehensible. Religion, through the use of a monolithic set of dogmas and creeds, enforced by social strictures and the imposition of guilt, is about crowd control. They are not the same thing. The former can exist without and apart from the latter; the reverse, however, is not true.
The question now is, can the latter, which really is a social construct (no more and no less) that has attached itself to and interwoven, and thereby hidden, itself within the fabric of a faith; and which also seems to be in decline around the world, be replaced adequately through the inconsistent imposition of locally defined secular laws which are combined with some degree of fear of legal penalty, to control the very real evil which is entirely natural to the human animal and its struggle to survive and thrive in a generally inhospitable universe?
The question now is, can the latter, which really is a social construct (no more and no less) that has attached itself to and interwoven, and thereby hidden, itself within the fabric of a faith; and which also seems to be in decline around the world, be replaced adequately through the inconsistent imposition of locally defined secular laws which are combined with some degree of fear of legal penalty, to control the very real evil which is entirely natural to the human animal and its struggle to survive and thrive in a generally inhospitable universe?
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Some Thoughts About God, the Universe, Man, and Religion
A universe so grand.
A universe that in all likelihood mirrors, in perhaps but a small way, the magnificent creative force, power, or being that we, mere puny creatures on a lump of rock floating in a sea of Dark Energy and Dark Matter filling the space of a vast universe that may itself be only a piece of a greater unseen UNIVERSE, call God. Such a tiny word that is supposed to somehow capture the awesome grandeur and power of something we cannot imagine; and in our limited attempts to do so, create multiple ideas of, which themselves are limited by our limited human capabilities. Yet, we puny creatures fight each other to the death, for nothing more than power and bragging rights, in order to prove or enforce our view, which we call religion, of what that God MIGHT be. We think our limited conception of the unimaginable has sufficient value to hate, to maim, and to kill our fellow creatures, who share with us such a brief conscious instant. From the theist to the atheist to the antitheist; from the fundamental Christian to the Catholic to the Muslim to the Jew we fight, having the audacity to think our view is somehow absolutely right. And we support our views by relying on some fantasy or assumption. The athiest or naturalist calls their assumption a 'model'—it starts with another assumption that only natural laws and forces operate in the world and that nothing exists beyond the natural world which must be observable, understandable, knowable, or testable; then proceeds to justify itself with the belief that a scientific theory is testable making it preferable to a revelatory belief without dealing with the simple fact that many theories may never be amenable to testing. The believer calls their fantasy or assumption 'revelation', which itself is based on a book we know as the Bible, which was written by men over a period of little more than a millenium, and edited, by men, in a process that involved politics no different from those that we see in our government, and are disgusted by.
It would seem to me that in his quest to make the unknowable somehow 'knowable', man prefers dogma and ritual as a poor substitute for simple wonder; for accepting that he can only but imagine something that he can never know; and for accepting that there is in fact something he can never know. In his need and craving to make the unknowable 'knowable', so he can avoid accepting his own limitations, man prefers to hate, to maim, and to kill his fellow man and to ignore the TRUE message being brought, not only by Jesus, but also by the prophets Isaiah, Hosea, Amos, and Jeremiah and by countless others. It's all such folly.
My quest has brought me to an understanding, to an acceptance, that I must redefine who or what I see God as being to allow for the vast amount of knowledge that is not known and in some cases cannot ever be known. My view of God today is far more deistic and is not definitive, is not tied to any of our preconceived notions, and focuses on the wonder aspects of what God could be as the ultimate Creator and First Cause. I'm talking about an all inclusive rather than an all exclusive view of God. I have concluded that God as known to man is a man made invention (the word 'god' itself is a human invention or contrivance) arising out of man's intense need to describe, within the capacity for his understanding, something that is both unlimited and limitless and therefore not definable. Man has included and excluded, as fit his needs and fears, certain concepts and qualities into his definition of God. I'd even go so far as to say that concepts like violence and chaos are human contrivances to describe something that humans fear and dislike and are in fact threatening to human life; but are manifested throughout the universe and are but PART of God's reflection.
For me, God is Wonder. I can say no more, because I truly know no more, and I really don't need to know any more about something that is beyond my ken. My limited understanding of the universe provides me with some limited idea of God. That is all that I am capable of, and I am content with that. That is my creed. That is my belief. Everything else, including that which possesses supportable though inconclusive evidence and especially that which has no verifiable support, is merely possible, but may be improbable.
A universe that in all likelihood mirrors, in perhaps but a small way, the magnificent creative force, power, or being that we, mere puny creatures on a lump of rock floating in a sea of Dark Energy and Dark Matter filling the space of a vast universe that may itself be only a piece of a greater unseen UNIVERSE, call God. Such a tiny word that is supposed to somehow capture the awesome grandeur and power of something we cannot imagine; and in our limited attempts to do so, create multiple ideas of, which themselves are limited by our limited human capabilities. Yet, we puny creatures fight each other to the death, for nothing more than power and bragging rights, in order to prove or enforce our view, which we call religion, of what that God MIGHT be. We think our limited conception of the unimaginable has sufficient value to hate, to maim, and to kill our fellow creatures, who share with us such a brief conscious instant. From the theist to the atheist to the antitheist; from the fundamental Christian to the Catholic to the Muslim to the Jew we fight, having the audacity to think our view is somehow absolutely right. And we support our views by relying on some fantasy or assumption. The athiest or naturalist calls their assumption a 'model'—it starts with another assumption that only natural laws and forces operate in the world and that nothing exists beyond the natural world which must be observable, understandable, knowable, or testable; then proceeds to justify itself with the belief that a scientific theory is testable making it preferable to a revelatory belief without dealing with the simple fact that many theories may never be amenable to testing. The believer calls their fantasy or assumption 'revelation', which itself is based on a book we know as the Bible, which was written by men over a period of little more than a millenium, and edited, by men, in a process that involved politics no different from those that we see in our government, and are disgusted by.
It would seem to me that in his quest to make the unknowable somehow 'knowable', man prefers dogma and ritual as a poor substitute for simple wonder; for accepting that he can only but imagine something that he can never know; and for accepting that there is in fact something he can never know. In his need and craving to make the unknowable 'knowable', so he can avoid accepting his own limitations, man prefers to hate, to maim, and to kill his fellow man and to ignore the TRUE message being brought, not only by Jesus, but also by the prophets Isaiah, Hosea, Amos, and Jeremiah and by countless others. It's all such folly.
My quest has brought me to an understanding, to an acceptance, that I must redefine who or what I see God as being to allow for the vast amount of knowledge that is not known and in some cases cannot ever be known. My view of God today is far more deistic and is not definitive, is not tied to any of our preconceived notions, and focuses on the wonder aspects of what God could be as the ultimate Creator and First Cause. I'm talking about an all inclusive rather than an all exclusive view of God. I have concluded that God as known to man is a man made invention (the word 'god' itself is a human invention or contrivance) arising out of man's intense need to describe, within the capacity for his understanding, something that is both unlimited and limitless and therefore not definable. Man has included and excluded, as fit his needs and fears, certain concepts and qualities into his definition of God. I'd even go so far as to say that concepts like violence and chaos are human contrivances to describe something that humans fear and dislike and are in fact threatening to human life; but are manifested throughout the universe and are but PART of God's reflection.
For me, God is Wonder. I can say no more, because I truly know no more, and I really don't need to know any more about something that is beyond my ken. My limited understanding of the universe provides me with some limited idea of God. That is all that I am capable of, and I am content with that. That is my creed. That is my belief. Everything else, including that which possesses supportable though inconclusive evidence and especially that which has no verifiable support, is merely possible, but may be improbable.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Thoughts about the Japanese Nuclear Reactor Crisis
I read the following during the BP Gulf Oil fiasco:
{structural engineering is}...
“the art of molding materials we do not really understand
into shapes we cannot really analyze,
so as to withstand forces we cannot really assess,
in such a way that the public does not really suspect.”
-- Eric H. Brown
Duh!?!?!?
A word to the wise should be sufficient. We have built our infrastructure on sand and believed it was solid, immovable rock. What do you expect. Business is about business—they will ALWAYS downplay the hazards and glorify their precautionary measures, all for the ultimate purpose of saving money and increasing profit. That's not inherently good or bad. That's just the way it is. People are like that; and people operate businesses. Sadly, adequate regulations are the only way to counter that.
I'm all for balance (re energy needs vs source) but my sense is that that expression is touted too often by the business interests that would avoid being open and honest about the risks; about the assumptions and trade-offs they're making in the engineering; and about the problems that are really being encountered. We ASSUME (you know what that word breaks down to, don't you) that because there has not been a recorded quake above some number that it's ok to engineer for that number. Problem is we really don't know what might be possible. We're basically ignorant of many, many, many things about the workings of our world. For dangerous power plants built on / near a seismic fault line it seems to me that we need to over-engineer; not engineer to a 'reasonable' limit. The problem with reasonable is WHO defines that number and why that number is chosen. If it's to save money, then let's get real about the REAL costs of producing nuclear energy. If any one of those reactors has a complete meltdown what's the REAL cost due to loss of the reactor; loss of lives AND health; loss of energy output and business; loss of livable real estate due to creation of a 'no man's land' around the reactor; and so on and so on. If we're going to get real and take a balanced view and approach to the whole issue then let's get real and include EVERYTHING in the equation.
This appeared in a recent issue of Science News Magazine:
"At magnitude 9.0, the March 11 earthquake in Japan was the fourth largest since 1900. Though there is no theoretical limit to an earthquake’s size, it is extremely unlikely that motion along a known tectonic fault could produce an event of magnitude 10.0 or larger."
That’s what nuclear reactors should be engineered for! You know that’s not the case!
I think it's unlikely we can run away from Nuclear Energy anytime soon. It's a phenomenal energy resource. The problem this crisis underscores is that we need to reevaluate our assumptions. Nuclear energy is not a cheap easy fix for our energy problems. If we are REALLY honest about it we realize it's dangerous AND, if done properly, expensive. We need to face this reality.
{structural engineering is}...
“the art of molding materials we do not really understand
into shapes we cannot really analyze,
so as to withstand forces we cannot really assess,
in such a way that the public does not really suspect.”
-- Eric H. Brown
Duh!?!?!?
A word to the wise should be sufficient. We have built our infrastructure on sand and believed it was solid, immovable rock. What do you expect. Business is about business—they will ALWAYS downplay the hazards and glorify their precautionary measures, all for the ultimate purpose of saving money and increasing profit. That's not inherently good or bad. That's just the way it is. People are like that; and people operate businesses. Sadly, adequate regulations are the only way to counter that.
I'm all for balance (re energy needs vs source) but my sense is that that expression is touted too often by the business interests that would avoid being open and honest about the risks; about the assumptions and trade-offs they're making in the engineering; and about the problems that are really being encountered. We ASSUME (you know what that word breaks down to, don't you) that because there has not been a recorded quake above some number that it's ok to engineer for that number. Problem is we really don't know what might be possible. We're basically ignorant of many, many, many things about the workings of our world. For dangerous power plants built on / near a seismic fault line it seems to me that we need to over-engineer; not engineer to a 'reasonable' limit. The problem with reasonable is WHO defines that number and why that number is chosen. If it's to save money, then let's get real about the REAL costs of producing nuclear energy. If any one of those reactors has a complete meltdown what's the REAL cost due to loss of the reactor; loss of lives AND health; loss of energy output and business; loss of livable real estate due to creation of a 'no man's land' around the reactor; and so on and so on. If we're going to get real and take a balanced view and approach to the whole issue then let's get real and include EVERYTHING in the equation.
This appeared in a recent issue of Science News Magazine:
"At magnitude 9.0, the March 11 earthquake in Japan was the fourth largest since 1900. Though there is no theoretical limit to an earthquake’s size, it is extremely unlikely that motion along a known tectonic fault could produce an event of magnitude 10.0 or larger."
That’s what nuclear reactors should be engineered for! You know that’s not the case!
I think it's unlikely we can run away from Nuclear Energy anytime soon. It's a phenomenal energy resource. The problem this crisis underscores is that we need to reevaluate our assumptions. Nuclear energy is not a cheap easy fix for our energy problems. If we are REALLY honest about it we realize it's dangerous AND, if done properly, expensive. We need to face this reality.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Pattern of Family and Friendship
My Thoughts About Friendship
Facebook, MySpace, and other social networking websites have chosen to call everyone you interact with on the site a ‘friend’. I think that’s a shame, since it creates the illusion that all social relationships are the same. In fact, they really aren’t. Depending on which and how many of the critical elements which define a friendship are missing from the connection, at its worst, all that may be said of it is that the individuals are simply on friendly terms with each other. By calling everyone a friend the distinction has been blurred between those people who comprise the outermost circle of our social network (English has given us the word ‘acquaintance’ to describe them); and those who comprise the innermost circle (use of the word ‘friend’ would be appropriate here). Consequently, being on friendly terms with someone is all too often confused with and/or accepted as a substitute for friendship.
But what is a friendship? How do we know that what we are doing and who we are interacting with will lead to a friendship? After doing a lot of thinking about that question and observing my own life experiences as well as others, I’ve arrived at what I think would be a reasonable definition or description of friendship and what relationships will yield us the holy grail.
Writings by Others About Friendship
--------------------------------------------
What is a Friend?
by Jeanette Cooper
A friend is
Someone who cares about you,
Someone who likes you just the way you are.
A friend is
Someone who does things with you,
Someone who keeps your secrets.
A friend is
Someone who sometimes gets angry with you,
Someone who might hurt your feelings sometimes
even when they don’t mean to.
A friend is
Someone who comforts you when you’re sad,
Someone who laughs with you when you’re happy.
A friend is
Someone who wants to be with you,
Someone who enjoys your company.
A friend is
Someone you’ll remember always
Even when they grow up and move away.
A friend is
Someone who is loyal and says good things about you,
Someone who gets mad if someone else is mean to you.
A friend is
A link to someone’s humanity like food for the soul to share,
Someone to hold onto when life’s follies bring despair.
A friend is
F-frank, R-righteous, I-intrepid, E-earnest, N-noble, D-decent
A friend is a friend—always!
--------------------------------------------
"What is a friend? I will tell you. It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can be naked with him. He seems to ask of you to put on nothing, only to be what you are. He does not want you to be better or worse. When you are with him, you feel as a prisoner feels who has been declared innocent. You do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think, so long as it is genuinely you. He understands those contradictions in your nature that lead others to misjudge you. With him you breathe freely. You can avow your little vanities and envies and hates and vicious sparks, your meannesses and absurdities and, in opening them up to him, they are lost, dissolved on the white ocean of his loyality. He understands. You do not have to be careful. You can abuse him, neglect him, tolerate him. Best of all, you can keep still with him. It makes no matter. He likes you. He is like fire that purges to the bone. He understands. You can weep with him, sin with him, laugh with him, pray with him. Through it all - and underneath - he sees, knows and loves you.
A friend? What is a friend?
Just one, I repeat, with whom you dare to be yourself."
-- C. Raymond Beran
--------------------------------------------
"We cannot tell the precise moment when friendship is formed. As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is a last drop that makes it run over; so in series of kindnesses, there is a last one that makes the heart run over."
-- James Boswell
--------------------------------------------
“For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe... Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly that same end.“
-- H. L. Mencken
--------------------------------------------
“Trust lies at the core of love; there can be no true love without trust.“
-- M.K.Soni
--------------------------------------------
“Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship -- never.”
-- Charles Caleb Colton
--------------------------------------------
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.“
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
--------------------------------------------
“The art of love ... is largely the art of persistence.”
-- Albert Ellis
--------------------------------------------
"The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands."
-- Quoted by Alexandra Penney in Self
--------------------------------------------
"Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved."
-- William Shakespeare, Sonnet 116
--------------------------------------------
Facebook, MySpace, and other social networking websites have chosen to call everyone you interact with on the site a ‘friend’. I think that’s a shame, since it creates the illusion that all social relationships are the same. In fact, they really aren’t. Depending on which and how many of the critical elements which define a friendship are missing from the connection, at its worst, all that may be said of it is that the individuals are simply on friendly terms with each other. By calling everyone a friend the distinction has been blurred between those people who comprise the outermost circle of our social network (English has given us the word ‘acquaintance’ to describe them); and those who comprise the innermost circle (use of the word ‘friend’ would be appropriate here). Consequently, being on friendly terms with someone is all too often confused with and/or accepted as a substitute for friendship.
But what is a friendship? How do we know that what we are doing and who we are interacting with will lead to a friendship? After doing a lot of thinking about that question and observing my own life experiences as well as others, I’ve arrived at what I think would be a reasonable definition or description of friendship and what relationships will yield us the holy grail.
"Friendship is a special relationship between two people who are brought together by oftentimes unforeseen, uncontrolled, or unavoidable life circumstances which affords them an opportunity to actively share a personally significant real-life goal, purpose, or experience on a regular basis and in close proximity to each other. In so doing they come to trust each other; to respect each other; to like each other; to rely on each other for comfort and support; and to enjoy being in each other’s physical company and spending time together."The text above in red bears some further explanation. I think it describes or defines what might be called the critical mass of a friendship. It is made up of four distinct elements. In the section below I will list each element together with some examples or some additional descriptive or explanatory information:
- actively share a personally significant
- - a fair degree of some form of life intimacy must be present
- - a fair degree of personal commitment or involvement to the activity must be felt
- real-life goal, purpose, or experience
- - school (as children and young adults)
- - living together
- - warfare
- - child rearing / motherhood
- - medical condition support (e.g., cancer or drug addiction)
- - work (other than a basic cog-in-the-wheel type job—even if managerial)
- - any other collaborative effort involving real life issues and at least 2 people
- on a regular basis
- - at least weekly
- in close proximity to each other
- - must be a fair degree of visual contact, both individuals being a few feet apart
Writings by Others About Friendship
- We sense (or promise) that our relationship will endure; that we’ll be there through thick and thin, mistakes and misunderstandings, even times when we’re unattractive, disagreeable, or out of sorts.
- We recognize, mobilize and celebrate each others’ gifts. We look for places where our friend’s gifts might blossom and we build bridges to those places.
- We see the essential beauty in each other, and we celebrate that.
- We carry dreams for each other and encourage each others’ dreams.
- We share our time, our worldly goods, and our ‘standing’ in the community. We share the things that delight us.
- We connect each other with trusted (trustworthy) people.
- We’re watchful — we look out for each other’s well being and best interests.
- Sometimes we offer direction. Our First Nations friends in British Columbia have four different words for the idea of ‘encouragement’; and one of those words means pointing out when someone is on a path that might be harmful.
--------------------------------------------
What is a Friend?
by Jeanette Cooper
A friend is
Someone who cares about you,
Someone who likes you just the way you are.
A friend is
Someone who does things with you,
Someone who keeps your secrets.
A friend is
Someone who sometimes gets angry with you,
Someone who might hurt your feelings sometimes
even when they don’t mean to.
A friend is
Someone who comforts you when you’re sad,
Someone who laughs with you when you’re happy.
A friend is
Someone who wants to be with you,
Someone who enjoys your company.
A friend is
Someone you’ll remember always
Even when they grow up and move away.
A friend is
Someone who is loyal and says good things about you,
Someone who gets mad if someone else is mean to you.
A friend is
A link to someone’s humanity like food for the soul to share,
Someone to hold onto when life’s follies bring despair.
A friend is
F-frank, R-righteous, I-intrepid, E-earnest, N-noble, D-decent
A friend is a friend—always!
--------------------------------------------
"What is a friend? I will tell you. It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can be naked with him. He seems to ask of you to put on nothing, only to be what you are. He does not want you to be better or worse. When you are with him, you feel as a prisoner feels who has been declared innocent. You do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think, so long as it is genuinely you. He understands those contradictions in your nature that lead others to misjudge you. With him you breathe freely. You can avow your little vanities and envies and hates and vicious sparks, your meannesses and absurdities and, in opening them up to him, they are lost, dissolved on the white ocean of his loyality. He understands. You do not have to be careful. You can abuse him, neglect him, tolerate him. Best of all, you can keep still with him. It makes no matter. He likes you. He is like fire that purges to the bone. He understands. You can weep with him, sin with him, laugh with him, pray with him. Through it all - and underneath - he sees, knows and loves you.
A friend? What is a friend?
Just one, I repeat, with whom you dare to be yourself."
-- C. Raymond Beran
--------------------------------------------
"We cannot tell the precise moment when friendship is formed. As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is a last drop that makes it run over; so in series of kindnesses, there is a last one that makes the heart run over."
-- James Boswell
--------------------------------------------
“For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe... Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly that same end.“
-- H. L. Mencken
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“Trust lies at the core of love; there can be no true love without trust.“
-- M.K.Soni
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“Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship -- never.”
-- Charles Caleb Colton
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“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.“
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
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“The art of love ... is largely the art of persistence.”
-- Albert Ellis
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"The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands."
-- Quoted by Alexandra Penney in Self
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"Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved."
-- William Shakespeare, Sonnet 116
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Saturday, January 15, 2011
Favorite Performances
The following two performances by Shania Twain, all compliments of YouTube, would probably rank as my overall favorites:
Shania Twain's performance in the 2003 Super Bowl Halftime show
Up! - by Shania Twain
Music video by Shania Twain performing Up!: Green Version with Robert John "Mutt" Lange [Producer], Antti Jokinen [Video Director], Marc Bernardout [Video Producer] (C) 2002 Mercury Records, a Division of UMG Recordings, Inc.
I also especially like the following
Magic Flute (Queen of Night Aria)
Carl Orff: Carmina Burana by UC Davis University Chorus, Alumni Chorus, Symphony Orchestra, and the Pacific Boychoir with Jeffrey Thomas, conducting
I Hope you Dance - by Lee Ann Womack
Le Sacre Du Printemps by Pina Bausch Wuppertal Dance Theater
Henry V - Speech - Eve of Saint Crispin's Day
Shania Twain's performance in the 2003 Super Bowl Halftime show
Up! - by Shania Twain
Music video by Shania Twain performing Up!: Green Version with Robert John "Mutt" Lange [Producer], Antti Jokinen [Video Director], Marc Bernardout [Video Producer] (C) 2002 Mercury Records, a Division of UMG Recordings, Inc.
I also especially like the following
Magic Flute (Queen of Night Aria)
Carl Orff: Carmina Burana by UC Davis University Chorus, Alumni Chorus, Symphony Orchestra, and the Pacific Boychoir with Jeffrey Thomas, conducting
This is a performance of the entire piece of music, the lyrics of which can be found at Classical.net
I Hope you Dance - by Lee Ann Womack
Le Sacre Du Printemps by Pina Bausch Wuppertal Dance Theater
Henry V - Speech - Eve of Saint Crispin's Day
Thoughts about "Death in the Afternoon" by Ernest Hemingway
Ernest Hemingway is considered to be one of the greatest writers of all time. I’m not here to consider that evaluation, or to attempt to render my unqualified opinion regarding it. Having completed my first ever book by Hemingway I was moved to write about my feelings regarding his liking and appreciation of bullfighting and to give my opinion about bullfighting.
I have heard that Ernest Hemingway was very much the man’s man—the epitome of the macho male. Having read the book I would have to concur with that evaluation. It would seem that for him bravery and courage were the only important character traits for a man. Perhaps that’s why he liked bullfighting so much. He viewed bullfighting as an art in which a man exposed himself to great danger of serious injury or very often death to give a crowd of people a show in which the ultimate outcome was the wanton death of the bull. It is a spectacle in which the bull will always die even if the bullfighter dies by goring before he succeeds in killing the bull. It is a spectacle using death as its central core, its central precept all carried out for the ultimate pleasure and excitement of the crowd of spectators. Spectators who are ultimately happy to see the bull die and fully accept and approve of the matador possibly sacrificing his life for their pleasure—it’s all part of the show. The matador and the bullfight itself are judged by the crowd on the basis of how the actual kill was performed. Consider the following excerpts from the book:
I have heard that Ernest Hemingway was very much the man’s man—the epitome of the macho male. Having read the book I would have to concur with that evaluation. It would seem that for him bravery and courage were the only important character traits for a man. Perhaps that’s why he liked bullfighting so much. He viewed bullfighting as an art in which a man exposed himself to great danger of serious injury or very often death to give a crowd of people a show in which the ultimate outcome was the wanton death of the bull. It is a spectacle in which the bull will always die even if the bullfighter dies by goring before he succeeds in killing the bull. It is a spectacle using death as its central core, its central precept all carried out for the ultimate pleasure and excitement of the crowd of spectators. Spectators who are ultimately happy to see the bull die and fully accept and approve of the matador possibly sacrificing his life for their pleasure—it’s all part of the show. The matador and the bullfight itself are judged by the crowd on the basis of how the actual kill was performed. Consider the following excerpts from the book:
”... A great killer must love to kill; unless he feels it is the best thing he can do, unless he is conscious of its dignity and feels that it is its own reward, he will be incapable of the abnegation that is necessary in real killing. The truly great killer must have a sense of honor and a sense of glory far beyond that of the ordinary bullfighter. ... Also he must take pleasure in it ... but he must have a spiritual enjoyment of the moment of killing. Killing cleanly and in a way which gives you aesthetic pleasure and pride has always been one of the greatest enjoyments of a part of the human race. ... One of its greatest pleasures, aside from te purely aesthetic ones, ... is the feeling of rebellion against death which comes from its administering. ... But when a man is still in rebellion against death he has pleasure in taking to himself one of the Godlike attributes; that of giving it. This is one of the most profound feelings in those men who enjoy killing.Killing with style! Ain’t that just special! Bullfighting, despite whatever rationalizations are made for it, is nothing short of wanton killing. It’s only purpose is to entertain paying spectators by exciting. The fact that all parties actively participating in the spectacle are either guaranteed or at high risk of death or serious injury makes it no better than what took place in the Roman Colosseum—and it still takes place today in Spain, Portugal, some cities in southern France and in several Latin American countries. In a sense, it glorifies killing and death. Lest we say ‘how horrible’ we should ask ourselves how much worse is it really than watching the popular television program “24”, which presents explicit violent acts of torture or death in the name of exciting entertainment. Interesting, isn’t it. We cringe at the thought of something similar happening to us, but we enjoy watching it’s imaginary portrayal. Death is all around us, naturally, in its many forms—is it’s prurient explicit depiction on the screen; on the stage; or in the bull ring really necessary to convince us that we are alive; and to encourage us to consider the fact, nature, and implications of death?
... the crowd will be shouting in approval or disapproval depending on the manner in which the man has gone in and the location of the sword.
... For it to be possible for the man to put the sword into the place where it is designed to go to kill the bull he must have the bull’s head down (by using the cape - my words) so that this place is exposed and even then the man must lean forward over the bull’s lowered head and neck to get the sword in. Now, if when the bull raises his head as the sword goes in the man is not to go up in the air, ... the man must be in motion past the bull ... The closer it is done to the animal the less chance the man has to deviate and escape if the bull does not follow the cloth as the man goes in. ... this moment of very great danger to which the man exposes himself each time he kills a bull according to the rules ...
... To kill the bull with a single sword thrust is of no merit at all unless the sword is placed high between the bull’s shoulders and unless the man passed over and had his body within reach of the horn at the moment he went in. ...
... The truly great killer is not the man who is simply brave enough to go in straight on the bull from a short distance and get the sword in somehow high between the shoulders, but is a man who is able to go in from a short distance, slowly, ... and being so skillful in the management of his left hand that ... he makes the bull lower his head and then keeps it down as he goes over the horn, pushes in the sword ... The great killer must be able to do this with security and with style ...”
Friday, January 14, 2011
Special Book Excerpts
I absolutely love the following description of the intimate contact between 2 lovers.
from "flirting with forty" by Jane Porter:
---------------------------------------------
I find the following description of the difficult process of discovering the truth incredibly accurate, profound, and revealing
from "CHANEL: Her life, her world—and the woman behind the legend she herself created" by Edmonde Charles-Roux:
There was a thought of the main female character that I found especially appropriate to life
from "The Bridges of Madison County”
The following excerpt from the last chapter of the book is, I think, a fantastic statement about or metaphor for our wishes for and goals in life.
from "Death in the Afternoon” by Ernest Hemingway
Some good advice ... the grass isn’t always greener.
from "The Sun Also Rises” by Ernest Hemingway
from "flirting with forty" by Jane Porter:
"his palm covers my cheek, and his thumb strokes across my mouth. Little bits of fire and flame burst within me.Wow!
And then he kisses me—or I him? It doesn't matter, only that I want him, want this kiss. Because I remember the last kiss, and the last kiss made everything young again, and beautiful, so beautiful, made my skin soft and my heart strong, my knees weak and my stomach a mass of butterflies ascending. I want this, and his lips cover mine, and there go the butterflies, all Amazon blues and greens, and I might as well be standing in the middle of the Brazilian rain forest as rain and sun compete and the earth is warmth and life is humid. Fragrant. Complete."
---------------------------------------------
I find the following description of the difficult process of discovering the truth incredibly accurate, profound, and revealing
from "CHANEL: Her life, her world—and the woman behind the legend she herself created" by Edmonde Charles-Roux:
CONCERNING TRUTH---------------------------------------------
GLIMPSED AMONG THE CORNFIELDS
OF CONVERSATION
The truth is difficult, sometimes maddening. Nothing is ever where you go to look for it. People who are said to know and universally regarded as knowing, yield, in the moment when their memories serve them at last, nothing but anecdotes for which one has no use. The enigma is left as entire as before, and the thing sought continues to refuse to be found. The truth is seldom a fleck of foam on the surface of a conversation; more often it is a black hole into which one is pitched as at the back of a cave—scratchings are there to which, at first glance, one attaches hardly more significance than to a slip of the pen, some accident of writing or recital, some parenthesis which an often tedious interlocutress opens after one has already ceased to listen.
Sometimes one puts all one’s hopes in the work of historians, analysts, and chroniclers; one pores over, sorts, and classifies, takes apart invisible gears and for one mad instant expects to see rising from the dust of ancient files the thing that is slipping through one’s fingers. And indeed, very rich in truth are certain archives, which become heartrendingly barren once one is convinced that they will not yield the thing one hoped to find in them. And how true it is that “rich” does not mean the same for everyone, and what a good thing that some can shout, “What treasures!” while others think, “How insignificant!”
There was a thought of the main female character that I found especially appropriate to life
from "The Bridges of Madison County”
"She was worried, but something in her had taken hold, something to do with risk. Whatever the cost, she was going out to Cedar Bridge."---------------------------------------------
The following excerpt from the last chapter of the book is, I think, a fantastic statement about or metaphor for our wishes for and goals in life.
from "Death in the Afternoon” by Ernest Hemingway
"If I could have made this enough of a book it would have had everything in it. ... We’ve seen it all go and we’ll watch it go again. The great thing is to last and get your work done and see and hear and learn and understand; and write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after. Let those who want to save the world if you can get to see it clear and as a whole. Then any part you make will represent the whole if it’s made truly. The thing to do is work and learn to make it. No. It is not enough of a book, but still there were a few things to be said. There were a few practical things to be said."---------------------------------------------
Some good advice ... the grass isn’t always greener.
from "The Sun Also Rises” by Ernest Hemingway
"Listen, Robert, going to another country doesn’t make any difference. I’ve tried all that. You can’t get away from yourself by moving from one place to another. There’s nothing to that."
But you’ve never been to South America.
South America hell! If you went there the way you feel now it would be exactly the same. This is a good town. Why don’t you start living your life in Paris?"
Apology, Forgiveness, and Reconciliation
Some personal life experiences have forced me to come to terms with the whole issue of apology, forgiveness, and reconciliation. Following are some of my own thoughts based upon my reading of the books entitled “Forgiveness: A Philosophical Exploration” by Charles L. Griswold and “The Sunflower: On the Possibilities and Limits of Forgiveness” by Simon Wiesenthal (summarized below); the excerpt, also provided below, from the book entitled “Into the Wilderness” 1990 written by Sara Moores Campbell; as well as numerous articles and quotations dealing with the subject.
You know the story. Somebody you know hurts you. Maybe, you get a half-hearted ‘I’m sorry’; and you’re told (or expected) to let it go—’to forgive and forget’. It happens over and over again. There’s something wrong with that picture, isn’t there!? You’re the injured person, yet you’re repeatedly expected to shoulder the burden of keeping the relationship going by ‘forgiving and forgetting’. Why doesn’t the other person take a part of the burden, and stop being careless and hurtful. Besides being woefully one-sided, the statement ‘forgive and forget’ includes a part that is patently against our human nature, and totally unhealthy and unwise—we’re called on to forget; to erase our memory; to deny, or attempt to deny, a key capability that makes us human—the ability to remember, to learn from the past. If we think of injuries strictly in terms of the physical kind and their effect on the body, we can understand that some are minor and some are major. The minor ones heal fairly completely, though sometimes they can leave behind some residual signs, such as a little, almost imperceptible, scar. The major injuries oftentimes leave behind significant residual damage that permanently affects a person's life whether it be a large and noticeable scar; a limp; an amputated body part; etc. Emotional injuries (which often accompany the physical ones) are much the same. The brain records a permanent record of the event in the form of a memory—that memory is a sort of scarring. Just as it is impossible (barring extraordinary measures) to completely erase physical scarring, it is likewise impossible to erase ‘mental scarring’. Mental scarring is, in essence, the basis of learning which gives us the tools to make informed decisions about how to deal with a future that we must move on to. So then, as confirmed by Sara Moores Campbell in “Into the Wilderness”, I think forgiveness cannot be and is not about forgetting.
According to “Into the Wilderness”, apology & forgiveness also have nothing at all to do with fairness and justice but with self respect and community/relationship—i.e., reconciliation; and reconciliation is all about restoring trust. BOTH parties to an injury are responsible to each other to reconcile their relationship; and the ultimate goal of apologizing and forgiving is, or should be, reconciliation—anything else would be entirely self-serving. BOTH apology & forgiveness must be present in order for people to be reconciled to each other. According to Charles Griswold in “Forgiveness”, for an APOLOGY to be fully effective, it must be specific, heartfelt, and restorative. It must embody a reliable promise of future action to correct the behavior that gave rise to the injury being apologized for. Deborah Lipstadt in “Sunflower” adds an important element to this process when she states
Admittedly, this all is a statement of the ideal; and in the real world we can only reliably look to the ideal as a guide—that should be what we strive for. However, we must always bear in mind that in the real world ideals are seldom, if ever, met. Where imperfection is the rule, apology & forgiveness will often be less than fully effective; trust will not have been fully restored (if for no other reason than our memories); and reconciliation will be less than complete. In light of all this imperfection, I think it’s important to set some minimums. At a minimum, both parties to the injury should willingly ‘come to the table’; and at a minimum, their expectations should be reasonable and their participation should be open, honest, and active—this process is about apology, forgiveness, and reconciliation; NOT negotiation or coercion. An important part of this process is restoring trust, and I think it’s important to have reasonable expectations regarding this. Since restoring trust is based on a ‘reliable promise of future action’, just what is reliable? Well, I think that Joseph’s Telushkin’s statement in “Sunflower” can give us some guidance in this matter.
What does the injured party do when the offending party refuses to acknowledge the injury, refuses to even discuss the events involved, and/or refuses to apologize? Is the injured party doomed to be stuck in the unhealthy place of interminably feeling hurt, sadness, anger, hatred, and resentment along with a desire, possibly, for revenge and retribution? Thankfully NO. Let’s face it, those feelings, which have their roots in a sense of frustration arising from the realization that hopes, dreams, or opportunities that might have been, won’t/can’t be, involve strong emotions that give rise to internal tensions that can lead to physical and emotional sickness as well as more injury. Those feelings need to be dealt with as quickly as possible. Some would say that the injured party should forgive the offending party unilaterally—that is, without the apology. That’s a possibility, I guess; but everything I’ve read seems to indicate that’s not a realistic option.
My approach would be to take the unilateral action of simply ACCEPTING the state of affairs as they actually in fact are. The injury has occurred. The relationship remains unreconciled, and may have in fact come to an end (though, not necessarily). The hopes, dreams, or opportunities that might have been, won’t be. In short, accept (simply accept) that ... what is, IS.
Then leave what you just accepted where it belongs—in your past. MOVE ON! You’re in the present, moving rapidly into the future. Your job now is to make decisions and take actions that will improve your life as it is now; that will build new hopes, dreams, and opportunities for yourself in the present. That’s where all your energies should be, must be directed. To dwell on the past is a waste of time and energy; and amounts to nothing but self pity, which is both unhealthy and unwise.
I think it’s crucially important to note here that Acceptance, as I envision it, is not a panacea. It doesn’t make everything ok. It is not an easy, quick-fix replacement for apology, forgiveness, and reconciliation—it’s the next best, second place option available to you to deal with the negative emotions and losses you are experiencing, and get on with your life. It will require a fair amount of mental effort over some extended period of time, as you repeatedly and gently remind yourself that you have no control over the current state of affairs; that what is, IS—you can’t have what has been taken away; that the negative feelings are not having a good effect on your mind and your body—you must take care of yourself; and finally that you need to live in the present—to get on with the work that you must do now. Its goals are strictly self-directed. Lacking the crucial component of the other person, and the opportunity that component affords to truly set aside the grievance, it’s ‘forgiveness lite’. I think that, though she is speaking specifically about forgiveness, Sara Moores Campbell describes for us in “Into the Wilderness” what I envision we are doing when we Accept that what is, IS.
If you do decide that reconciling the relationship is what you really want to do, then do so within the context of your life and your relationships in the now future/present—not your life as it was in the past, before the injury had occurred. In my opinion, such a delayed reconciliation establishes a new relationship, which must compete on equal or not-so-equal terms with your other new relationships. Also, be sure to value your memories, and use them to establish whatever level of trust you can within the newly reconciled relationship—the past cannot be restored whole. Finally, be sure to communicate to the other person that you envision that the new relationship comes with (new) limits, and just what those limits are.
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SOME NOTABLE QUOTES
"Classic remorse, as all the moralists are agreed, is a most undesirable sentiment. If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving."
-- Aldous Huxley
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"Remorse is impotence; it will sin again. Only repentance is strong; it can end everything."
-- Honoré De Balzac
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"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."
-- Paul Boese
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"If you are not already dead, forgive. Rancor is heavy, it is worldly; leave it on earth: die light."
-- Jean-Paul Sartre
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"Trust lies at the core of love; there can be no true love without trust."
-- M. K. Soni
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"Trust is always earned, never given."
-- R. Williams
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"Trust is the easiest thing in the world to loose, and the hardest thing in the world to get back."
-- R. Williams
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"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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"Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer"
-- Michael Corleone in “The Godfather—Part II”
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"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names"
-- John F. Kennedy
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In his book “The Sunflower: On the Possibilities and Limits of Forgiveness”, Simon Wiesenthal describes an experience while he was a prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp. A dying Nazi SS soldier asked Simon (as A—i.e., any—Jew) for his forgiveness for his cruel and inhuman actions. Simon’s reaction was silence only. The book contains the thoughts of a group of notable thinkers regarding the event. I found some thoughts rather instructive.
I heard a sermon once which dealt with several issues, one of which was forgiveness, and included a reading of the following wonderful passage from a book entitled “Into the Wilderness“ 1990 written by Sara Moores Campbell.
SUMMARY – So then, let me summarize simply all of the above. As I've accumulated information on the related issues of anger, hatred, resentment, apology, forgiveness, and reconciliation; and have written this blog entry over time, something has occurred to me. Simply put, it is that when we hate, we tie ourselves to the past—to a past hurt or past injury. Common wisdom advises us to forgive, which is nothing more than letting go of anger and hatred. That wisdom doesn't advise us to forget the injury or to forego the resulting distrust—that's a part of our brains ability to remember and our ability to learn. 'Wisdom' just advises us to let go of the anger and hatred; and that action must sometimes, of necessity, be unilateral and separate from the process of reconciliation. When we do that, and here’s the key, I think, we remove ourselves from the past and let go of it. That opens the door for us to have the best revenge we could possibly have—to live well. Why? Because to live well requires us to live in the present—not the past.
You know the story. Somebody you know hurts you. Maybe, you get a half-hearted ‘I’m sorry’; and you’re told (or expected) to let it go—’to forgive and forget’. It happens over and over again. There’s something wrong with that picture, isn’t there!? You’re the injured person, yet you’re repeatedly expected to shoulder the burden of keeping the relationship going by ‘forgiving and forgetting’. Why doesn’t the other person take a part of the burden, and stop being careless and hurtful. Besides being woefully one-sided, the statement ‘forgive and forget’ includes a part that is patently against our human nature, and totally unhealthy and unwise—we’re called on to forget; to erase our memory; to deny, or attempt to deny, a key capability that makes us human—the ability to remember, to learn from the past. If we think of injuries strictly in terms of the physical kind and their effect on the body, we can understand that some are minor and some are major. The minor ones heal fairly completely, though sometimes they can leave behind some residual signs, such as a little, almost imperceptible, scar. The major injuries oftentimes leave behind significant residual damage that permanently affects a person's life whether it be a large and noticeable scar; a limp; an amputated body part; etc. Emotional injuries (which often accompany the physical ones) are much the same. The brain records a permanent record of the event in the form of a memory—that memory is a sort of scarring. Just as it is impossible (barring extraordinary measures) to completely erase physical scarring, it is likewise impossible to erase ‘mental scarring’. Mental scarring is, in essence, the basis of learning which gives us the tools to make informed decisions about how to deal with a future that we must move on to. So then, as confirmed by Sara Moores Campbell in “Into the Wilderness”, I think forgiveness cannot be and is not about forgetting.
According to “Into the Wilderness”, apology & forgiveness also have nothing at all to do with fairness and justice but with self respect and community/relationship—i.e., reconciliation; and reconciliation is all about restoring trust. BOTH parties to an injury are responsible to each other to reconcile their relationship; and the ultimate goal of apologizing and forgiving is, or should be, reconciliation—anything else would be entirely self-serving. BOTH apology & forgiveness must be present in order for people to be reconciled to each other. According to Charles Griswold in “Forgiveness”, for an APOLOGY to be fully effective, it must be specific, heartfelt, and restorative. It must embody a reliable promise of future action to correct the behavior that gave rise to the injury being apologized for. Deborah Lipstadt in “Sunflower” adds an important element to this process when she states
“First, one must ask forgiveness of the aggrieved party. This personal encounter is a sine qua non when it comes to sins between two human beings. ... Judaism believes that it is only through human interaction that the victim can best be healed and the wrongdoer most profoundly changed.”Charles Griswold also states that for FORGIVENESS to be fully effective, it must entail setting aside all anger, resentment, and desire for justice or revenge. It must carry with it a change of attitude toward oneself such that you do not view yourself as the victim and you do not view the other person as the wrongdoer.
Admittedly, this all is a statement of the ideal; and in the real world we can only reliably look to the ideal as a guide—that should be what we strive for. However, we must always bear in mind that in the real world ideals are seldom, if ever, met. Where imperfection is the rule, apology & forgiveness will often be less than fully effective; trust will not have been fully restored (if for no other reason than our memories); and reconciliation will be less than complete. In light of all this imperfection, I think it’s important to set some minimums. At a minimum, both parties to the injury should willingly ‘come to the table’; and at a minimum, their expectations should be reasonable and their participation should be open, honest, and active—this process is about apology, forgiveness, and reconciliation; NOT negotiation or coercion. An important part of this process is restoring trust, and I think it’s important to have reasonable expectations regarding this. Since restoring trust is based on a ‘reliable promise of future action’, just what is reliable? Well, I think that Joseph’s Telushkin’s statement in “Sunflower” can give us some guidance in this matter.
“Moses Maimonides teaches that we can only know the truth of a person’s repentance if the penitent encounters the same situation in which he first sinned, and then refrains from sinning.”Since we can’t see into the future to answer this, we must look to the next best thing. We must use our intellect together with our memories and experiences from the past to evaluate the reliability of the promise and the likely value of the apology. If the apology involves an often repeated injury, it’s quite reasonable to expect that the reliability of the promise is very low. If the person making the promise has a history of lying or of breaking promises, again, it’s quite reasonable to expect that the reliability of the promise is very low. If the person making the promise does not appear open, involved, or serious, yet again, it’s quite reasonable to expect that the reliability of the promise is quite low. The value of the apology is severely in doubt. Barring these kinds of circumstances, I think it’s reasonable, and in the spirit of forgiveness, to give the person the benefit of the doubt, and trust them at their word.
What does the injured party do when the offending party refuses to acknowledge the injury, refuses to even discuss the events involved, and/or refuses to apologize? Is the injured party doomed to be stuck in the unhealthy place of interminably feeling hurt, sadness, anger, hatred, and resentment along with a desire, possibly, for revenge and retribution? Thankfully NO. Let’s face it, those feelings, which have their roots in a sense of frustration arising from the realization that hopes, dreams, or opportunities that might have been, won’t/can’t be, involve strong emotions that give rise to internal tensions that can lead to physical and emotional sickness as well as more injury. Those feelings need to be dealt with as quickly as possible. Some would say that the injured party should forgive the offending party unilaterally—that is, without the apology. That’s a possibility, I guess; but everything I’ve read seems to indicate that’s not a realistic option.
My approach would be to take the unilateral action of simply ACCEPTING the state of affairs as they actually in fact are. The injury has occurred. The relationship remains unreconciled, and may have in fact come to an end (though, not necessarily). The hopes, dreams, or opportunities that might have been, won’t be. In short, accept (simply accept) that ... what is, IS.
Then leave what you just accepted where it belongs—in your past. MOVE ON! You’re in the present, moving rapidly into the future. Your job now is to make decisions and take actions that will improve your life as it is now; that will build new hopes, dreams, and opportunities for yourself in the present. That’s where all your energies should be, must be directed. To dwell on the past is a waste of time and energy; and amounts to nothing but self pity, which is both unhealthy and unwise.
I think it’s crucially important to note here that Acceptance, as I envision it, is not a panacea. It doesn’t make everything ok. It is not an easy, quick-fix replacement for apology, forgiveness, and reconciliation—it’s the next best, second place option available to you to deal with the negative emotions and losses you are experiencing, and get on with your life. It will require a fair amount of mental effort over some extended period of time, as you repeatedly and gently remind yourself that you have no control over the current state of affairs; that what is, IS—you can’t have what has been taken away; that the negative feelings are not having a good effect on your mind and your body—you must take care of yourself; and finally that you need to live in the present—to get on with the work that you must do now. Its goals are strictly self-directed. Lacking the crucial component of the other person, and the opportunity that component affords to truly set aside the grievance, it’s ‘forgiveness lite’. I think that, though she is speaking specifically about forgiveness, Sara Moores Campbell describes for us in “Into the Wilderness” what I envision we are doing when we Accept that what is, IS.
“No, we do not forgive and forget. But when we invite the power of forgiveness, we release ourselves from some of the destructive hold the past has on us. Our hatred, our anger, our need to feel wronged...”Harold Kushner’s thoughts from “The Sunflower” provides another great insight into the process, including how to deal with the person who hurt you.
“To forgive is not something we do for another person. It represents a letting go of the sense of grievance, and perhaps most importantly a letting go of the role of victim. ... {it says} I refuse to give you the power to define me as a victim. ... I don’t hate you; I reject you.”One final thought. What should you do if/when the offending party comes around and wants to apologize, to clear the air, to reconcile the relationship at some time in the future. First, it’s imperative that you ask yourself the very appropriate and healthy selfish questions
As you consider what may be a very difficult decision, it’s crucial to remember here that the offending party didn’t value you; they didn’t value the pre-existing relationship enough to make an effective apology and reconcile the relationship before. They broke trust; and I think it’s fair to also ask yourself why is this person suddenly wanting to make things right now.
- ‘Given my history with this person, do I really want them in my life today—am I really willing to deal with the problems and issues I know they have’? and
- ‘Do I really want this relationship—is it important to me for some reason’?
If you do decide that reconciling the relationship is what you really want to do, then do so within the context of your life and your relationships in the now future/present—not your life as it was in the past, before the injury had occurred. In my opinion, such a delayed reconciliation establishes a new relationship, which must compete on equal or not-so-equal terms with your other new relationships. Also, be sure to value your memories, and use them to establish whatever level of trust you can within the newly reconciled relationship—the past cannot be restored whole. Finally, be sure to communicate to the other person that you envision that the new relationship comes with (new) limits, and just what those limits are.
--------------------------------------------
SOME NOTABLE QUOTES
"Classic remorse, as all the moralists are agreed, is a most undesirable sentiment. If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving."
-- Aldous Huxley
--------------------------------------------
"Remorse is impotence; it will sin again. Only repentance is strong; it can end everything."
-- Honoré De Balzac
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"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."
-- Paul Boese
--------------------------------------------
"If you are not already dead, forgive. Rancor is heavy, it is worldly; leave it on earth: die light."
-- Jean-Paul Sartre
--------------------------------------------
"Trust lies at the core of love; there can be no true love without trust."
-- M. K. Soni
--------------------------------------------
"Trust is always earned, never given."
-- R. Williams
--------------------------------------------
"Trust is the easiest thing in the world to loose, and the hardest thing in the world to get back."
-- R. Williams
--------------------------------------------
"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
--------------------------------------------
"Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer"
-- Michael Corleone in “The Godfather—Part II”
--------------------------------------------
"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names"
-- John F. Kennedy
--------------------------------------------
In his book “The Sunflower: On the Possibilities and Limits of Forgiveness”, Simon Wiesenthal describes an experience while he was a prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp. A dying Nazi SS soldier asked Simon (as A—i.e., any—Jew) for his forgiveness for his cruel and inhuman actions. Simon’s reaction was silence only. The book contains the thoughts of a group of notable thinkers regarding the event. I found some thoughts rather instructive.
HANS HABE – God punishes and forgives, in that order. But God never hates. ... Exercised with love and justice, atonement and forgiveness serve the same end: life without hatred.--------------------------------------------
HAROLD S. KUSHNER – To be forgiven is a miracle. It comes from God, and it comes when God chooses to grant it, not when we order it up. ... God’s forgiveness is something that happens inside us, not inside God, freeing us from the shame of the past so that we can be different people, choosing and acting differently in the future.
To forgive is not something we do for another person. It represents a letting go of the sense of grievance, and perhaps most importantly a letting go of the role of victim. ... {it says} I refuse to give you the power to define me as a victim. ... I don’t hate you; I reject you.
PRIMO LEVI – When an act of violence or an offense has been committed it is forever irreparable: it is quite probable that public opinion will cry out for a sanction, a punishment, a ‘price’ for pain; it is also possible that the price paid be useful inasmuch as it makes amends or discourages a fresh offense, but the initial offense remains and the ‘price’ is always (even if it is ‘just’) a new offense and a new source of pain.
DEBORAH E. LIPSTADT – Teshuvah, repentance, dreived from the Hebrew word ‘to return’, is Judaism’s process of saying I’m sorry to those we have wronged. It is more than repentance, but is designed to make our relationship with both God and those around us whole again. ... First, one must ask forgiveness of the aggrieved party. This personal encounter is a sine qua non when it comes to sins between two human beings. ... Judaism believes that it is only through human interaction that the victim can best be healed and the wrongdoer most profoundly changed. Making peace with God comes later.
JOHN T. PAWLIKOWSKI – {there is a} significant difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. ... Reconciliation entails several stages: repentance, contrition, acceptance of responsibility, healing, and finally reunion. ... The various stages cannot be traversed quickly. They require demonstrated changes that go beyond the merely verbal.
JOSEPH TELUSHKIN – Moses Maimonides teaches that we can only know the truth of a person’s repentance if the penitent encounters the same situation in which he first sinned, and then refrains from sinning.
I heard a sermon once which dealt with several issues, one of which was forgiveness, and included a reading of the following wonderful passage from a book entitled “Into the Wilderness“ 1990 written by Sara Moores Campbell.
There is incredible power in forgiveness. But forgiveness is not rational. One can seldom find a reason to forgive or be forgiven. Forgiveness is often undeserved. It may require a dimension of Justice, (penance in traditional terms), but not always, for what it holds sacred is not fairness, but self respect and community. Forgiveness does not wipe away guilt, but invites reconciliation. And it is as important to be able to forgive as it is to be forgiven.--------------------------------------------
No, we do not forgive and forget. But when we invite the power of forgiveness, we release ourselves from some of the destructive hold the past has on us. Our hatred, our anger, our need to feel wronged --those will destroy us whether a relationship is reconciled or not.
But we cannot just will ourselves to enter into forgiveness, either as givers or receivers. WE can know it is right and that we want to do it and still not be able to.
We can, however, be open and receptive to the power of forgiveness, which like any gift of the spirit, isn't of our own making. Its power is rooted in love. The Greek word for this kind of love is agape. Martin Luther King Jr. defined agape as "Love seeking to preserve and create community." This kind of love is human, but it is also the grace of a transcendental power that lifts us out of ourselves. It transforms and heals; and even when we are separated by time or space or death, it reconciles us to ourselves and to Life. For its power abides not just between us but within us. If we invited the power of agape to heal our personal wounds and give us the gift of forgiveness, we would give our world a better chance of survival.
SUMMARY – So then, let me summarize simply all of the above. As I've accumulated information on the related issues of anger, hatred, resentment, apology, forgiveness, and reconciliation; and have written this blog entry over time, something has occurred to me. Simply put, it is that when we hate, we tie ourselves to the past—to a past hurt or past injury. Common wisdom advises us to forgive, which is nothing more than letting go of anger and hatred. That wisdom doesn't advise us to forget the injury or to forego the resulting distrust—that's a part of our brains ability to remember and our ability to learn. 'Wisdom' just advises us to let go of the anger and hatred; and that action must sometimes, of necessity, be unilateral and separate from the process of reconciliation. When we do that, and here’s the key, I think, we remove ourselves from the past and let go of it. That opens the door for us to have the best revenge we could possibly have—to live well. Why? Because to live well requires us to live in the present—not the past.
Special Poems and Quotations
"The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
---------------------------------------------
"The Man in the Glass" by Anonymous
When you get what you want in your struggle for self,
and the world makes you king for the day,
Just go to a mirror and look at yourself,
and see what the man has to say!
It isn't your mother or father or wife,
who's judgment upon you must pass,
for the fellow who's verdict counts most in your life,
is that one starring back from the glass!
He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest,
for he's with you clear up to the end.
And you've passed the most dangerous, difficult test,
if the man in the glass is your friend!
You may fool the whole world down the pathways of years,
and get pats on the back as you pass,
but your final reward will be heartaches and tears,
if you've cheated the man in the glass!
--------------------------------------------
”Know thyself."
-- Socrates
--------------------------------------------
"The thing is to understand myself, to see what God really wishes me to do: the thing is to find a truth which is true for me, to find the idea for which I can live and die."
-- Søren Kierkegaard
--------------------------------------------
"Man first of all exists, encounters himself, surges up in the world – and defines himself afterwards."
-- Jean-Paul Sartre
--------------------------------------------
"The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing."
-- Socrates
-- Clarence Darrow (observation about the existence vis-a-vis non-existence of God)
--------------------------------------------
"Conquer yourself rather than the world."
-- René Descartes
--------------------------------------------
"If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you."
-- Jesus from “The Gospel According to Thomas”
--------------------------------------------
"You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against your country-men. Love your fellow as yourself: I am the Lord.
-- Leviticus 19:18
--------------------------------------------
"I loathe, I spurn your festivals,
I am not appeased by your solemn assemblies
If you offer me burnt offerings—or your meal offerings—
I will not accept them;
I will pay no heed
To your gifts of fatlings.
Spare me the sounds of your hymns,
And let me not hear the music of your lutes.
But let justice well up like water,
Righteousness like an unfailing stream."
-- Amos 5:21-24
--------------------------------------------
"As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead."
-- James 2:26
--------------------------------------------
"It is in our lives and not our words that our religion must be read."
-- Thomas Jefferson
--------------------------------------------
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
---------------------------------------------
"The Man in the Glass" by Anonymous
When you get what you want in your struggle for self,
and the world makes you king for the day,
Just go to a mirror and look at yourself,
and see what the man has to say!
It isn't your mother or father or wife,
who's judgment upon you must pass,
for the fellow who's verdict counts most in your life,
is that one starring back from the glass!
He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest,
for he's with you clear up to the end.
And you've passed the most dangerous, difficult test,
if the man in the glass is your friend!
You may fool the whole world down the pathways of years,
and get pats on the back as you pass,
but your final reward will be heartaches and tears,
if you've cheated the man in the glass!
--------------------------------------------
”Know thyself."
-- Socrates
--------------------------------------------
"The thing is to understand myself, to see what God really wishes me to do: the thing is to find a truth which is true for me, to find the idea for which I can live and die."
-- Søren Kierkegaard
--------------------------------------------
"Man first of all exists, encounters himself, surges up in the world – and defines himself afterwards."
-- Jean-Paul Sartre
--------------------------------------------
"The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing."
-- Socrates
--------------------------------------------
"I do not pretend to know what ignorant men are sure of."
-- Clarence Darrow (observation about the existence vis-a-vis non-existence of God)
--------------------------------------------
"There ain't no answer. There ain't going to be any answer. There never has been an answer. That's the answer."
-- Gertrude Stein
"Conquer yourself rather than the world."
-- René Descartes
--------------------------------------------
"If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you."
-- Jesus from “The Gospel According to Thomas”
--------------------------------------------
"You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against your country-men. Love your fellow as yourself: I am the Lord.
-- Leviticus 19:18
--------------------------------------------
"I loathe, I spurn your festivals,
I am not appeased by your solemn assemblies
If you offer me burnt offerings—or your meal offerings—
I will not accept them;
I will pay no heed
To your gifts of fatlings.
Spare me the sounds of your hymns,
And let me not hear the music of your lutes.
But let justice well up like water,
Righteousness like an unfailing stream."
-- Amos 5:21-24
--------------------------------------------
"As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead."
-- James 2:26
--------------------------------------------
"It is in our lives and not our words that our religion must be read."
-- Thomas Jefferson
--------------------------------------------
"This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple. The philosophy is kindness."
-- Dali Lama
--------------------------------------------
"Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones."
-- Marcus Aurelius
--------------------------------------------
"To the corruptions of Christianity, I am indeed opposed; but not to the genuine precepts of Jesus himself. I am a Christian, in the only sense in which he wished any one to be; sincerely attached to his doctrines, in preference to all others; ascribing to himself every human excellence, and believing he never claimed any other."
-- Thomas Jefferson
--------------------------------------------
"I believe in one God, Creator of the universe.... That the most acceptable service we can render Him is doing good to His other children.... As to Jesus... I have... some doubts as to his divinity; though it is a question I do not dogmatize upon, having never studied it, and think it needless to busy myself with it now, when I expect soon an opportunity of knowing the truth with less trouble."
-- Benjamin Franklin
--------------------------------------------
"Concerning the gods, I have no means of knowing whether they exist or not or of what sort they may be. Many things prevent knowledge including the obscurity of the subject and the brevity of human life."
-- Protagoras
--------------------------------------------
"You only need 3 beliefs—believe in A God even if he/she/it doesn't do anything for you; believe in yourself even if you think you're a loser; believe in life even if it seems pointless. Believing gives them value and they become something of importance to center your existence."
-- Moi
--------------------------------------------
"There was a Door to which I found no key.
There was a Veil past which I could not see."
-- The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam
--------------------------------------------
"It doesn’t seem to me that this fantastically marvelous universe, this tremendous range of time and space and different kinds of animals, and all the different planets, and all these atoms with all their motions, and so on, all this complicated thing can merely be a stage so that God can watch human beings struggle for good and evil—which is the view that religion has. The stage is too big for the drama."
-- Richard Feynman
--------------------------------------------
"Quantum mechanics is certainly imposing. But an inner voice tells me that it is not yet the real thing. The theory says a lot, but does not really bring us any closer to the secret of the ‘old one’. I, at any rate, am convinced that He does not throw dice."
-- Albert Einstein
--------------------------------------------
"There is no more common error than to assume that, because prolonged and accurate mathematical calculation have been made, the application of the result to some fact of nature is absolutely certain."
-- A. N. Whitehead
--------------------------------------------
"People would not worry so much about what others think of them if they realized how little they did."
-- Oscar Wilde
--------------------------------------------
”A man can spend his whole existence never learning the simple lesson that he has only one life and that if he fails to do what he wants with it, nobody else really cares."
-- Louis Auchincloss
--------------------------------------------
Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't. You must do the things you think you cannot do.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
--------------------------------------------
”If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much."
-- Jim Rohn
--------------------------------------------
"But now old friends are acting strange.
They shake their heads. They say I've changed.
Well, something's lost, but something's gained
in living everyday.
I've looked at life from both sides now."
-- Judy Collins in “Both Sides Now”
-------------------------------------------
"I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet."
-- Gandhi
--------------------------------------------
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
-- Agnes Repplier
--------------------------------------------
"A rose is a rose is a rose"
-- Gertrude Stein
"To be alive at all involves some risk."
-- Harold MacMillan
--------------------------------------------
"Wherever you go, go with all your heart."
-- Confucius
--------------------------------------------
"One thing about trains. It doesn't matter where they're going. What really matters is deciding to get on!"
-- from “The Polar Express”
--------------------------------------------
"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
-- Anaïs Nin
--------------------------------------------
"Nothing changes if nothing changes."
-- Unknown Source
--------------------------------------------
"There is nothing in this world constant but inconstancy."
-- Jonathan Swift
--------------------------------------------
"There is no knowledge of true being. The world is fundamentally in a state of becoming."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
--------------------------------------------
"When you’re finished changing, you’re finished."
-- Benjamin Franklin
--------------------------------------------
"I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it."
-- Pablo Picasso
--------------------------------------------
"In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different."
-- Gabrielle (Coco) Chanel
--------------------------------------------
"Ithaca" by Constantine P. Cavafy
When you set out on your journey to Ithaca,
pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the angry Poseidon -- do not fear them:
You will never find such as these on your path,
if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
emotion touches your spirit and your body.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the fierce Poseidon you will never encounter,
if you do not carry them within your soul,
if your soul does not set them up before you.
Pray that the road is long.
That the summer mornings are many, when,
with such pleasure, with such joy
you will enter ports seen for the first time;
stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
and sensual perfumes of all kinds,
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
visit many Egyptian cities,
to learn and learn from scholars.
Always keep Ithaca in your mind.
To arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for many years;
and to anchor at the island when you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riches.
Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would have never set out on the road.
She has nothing more to give you.
And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not deceived you.
Wise as you have become, with so much experience,
you must already have understood what Ithacas mean.
--------------------------------------------
"The god forsakes Antony" by Constantine P. Cavafy
When suddenly, at the midnight hour,
an invisible troupe is heard passing
with exquisite music, with shouts --
your fortune that fails you now, your works
that have failed, the plans of your life
that have all turned out to be illusions, do not mourn in vain.
As if long prepared, as if courageous,
bid her farewell, the Alexandria that is leaving.
Above all do not be fooled, do not tell yourself
it was a dream, that your ears deceived you;
do not stoop to such vain hopes.
As if long prepared, as if courageous,
as it becomes you who have been worthy of such a city,
approach the window with firm step,
and with emotion, but not
with the entreaties and complaints of the coward,
as a last enjoyment listen to the sounds,
the exquisite instruments of the mystical troupe,
and bid her farewell, the Alexandria you are losing.
--------------------------------------------
”The old dreams were good dreams; they didn't work out, but I'm glad I had them."
-- from "The Bridges of Madison County"
--------------------------------------------
"I love my past. I love my present. I'm not ashamed of what I've had, and I'm not sad because I have it no longer."
-- Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette (French writer, usually known simply by her pen-name "Colette") from "The Last of Cheri", 1926
--------------------------------------------
"If you want to touch the past, touch a rock". Yet, I do think it's important to remember that not all rocks are just rocks; some are beautiful gems if you look closely enough.
-- The Optimism Revolution with editorial comment by Moi
--------------------------------------------
"Keep memories in their place—a record only of the past, with no life of their own, to be used judiciously to guide our present."
-- Moi
--------------------------------------------
"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."
-- The Great Gatsby
--------------------------------------------
"Destinations are where we begin again."
-- from the song "Believe" in the movie "The Polar Express"
--------------------------------------------
"Success is often achieved by those who don’t know that failure is inevitable."
-- Gabrielle (Coco) Chanel
--------------------------------------------
"There is no formula for success except perhaps unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings."
-- Arthur Rubinstein
--------------------------------------------
"Analysis destroys wholes. Some things, magic things, are meant to stay whole. If you look at their pieces, they go away."
-- from "The Bridges of Madison County"
--------------------------------------------
"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift."
-- Albert Einstein
--------------------------------------------
"The power of imagination makes us infinite."
-- John Muir
--------------------------------------------
"You have to think like water."
-- Anonymous Plumber from Nantucket
--------------------------------------------
"Everything has its secrets. Dark matter and dark energy seem to make up most of the mass of the universe (matter and energy are considered to be two forms of the same thing, thanks to Einstein's famous equation E=Mc^2). Dark energy accounts for about 74% of the universe, while dark matter adds about 22%, and normal, visible matter adds a puny 4%. By contrast 10% to 20% of an iceberg is visible!"
-- Moi
--------------------------------------------
{structural engineering is}...
“the art of molding materials we do not really understand
into shapes we cannot really analyze,
so as to withstand forces we cannot really assess,
in such a way that the public does not really suspect.”
-- Eric H. Brown
--------------------------------------------
"Irrationality is the square root of all evil."
-- Douglas Hofstadter
--------------------------------------------
"While you're talking, you're not learning anything."
-- Richard Feynman
--------------------------------------------
"The Song Of Wandering Aengus" - by W. B. Yeats
Music by Philip Leitch Donovan on verses by W.B.Yeats. Illustrations by Cronogeo
--------------------------------------------
"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned
Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned"
-- William Congreve
--------------------------------------------
"...the art of politics must be the art of engaging the passions, first by exciting them, then by moderating and directing them to a worthy end, one that reason may reveal but cannot achieve."
-- Mark Lilla, professor of humanities at Columbia University
--------------------------------------------
"It's easy. Pretend to know what you don't, and pretend not to know when you do. Hear what you don't understand and don't hear what you do. Promise what you cannot deliver, what you have no intention of delivering. Make a great secret of hiding what isn't there. Plead you're busy as you spend your time sharpening pencils. Speak profoundly to cover up you emptiness, encourage spies, reward traitors, tamper with seals, intercept letters, hide the ineptitude of your goals by speaking of them glowingly—that's all there is to politics, I swear."
--Pierre Beaumarchais writes in "The Marriage of Figaro"
--------------------------------------------
"Politics only rewards success. Best efforts earn only a bitter smile."
--Pierre Beaumarchais
--------------------------------------------
"Never give in. Never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."
-- Sir Winston Churchill
--------------------------------------------
"Truth is incontrovertible,
ignorance can deride it,
panic may resent it,
malice may destroy it,
but there it is."
-- Sir Winston Churchill
--------------------------------------------
"By a lie a man throws away and, as it were, annihilates his dignity as a man. A man who himself does not believe what he tells another … has even less worth than if he were a mere thing. … makes himself a mere deceptive appearance of man, not man himself."
-- Immanuel Kant
--------------------------------------------
"a very wholesome and comfortable doctrine to which (there is) but one objection: namely, that it is not true."
-- Henry Fielding
--------------------------------------------
"Don't write it if you can speak it; and don't speak it if you can just nod."
-- Unknown
--------------------------------------------
"It is accepted that a man’s first truth is what he hides."
-- André Malraux
--------------------------------------------
"It is not difficult to deceive the first time, for the deceived possesses no antibodies; unvaccinated by suspicion, she overlooks lateness, accepts absurd excuses, permits the flimsiest patching to repair great rents in the quotidian."
-- John Updike
--------------------------------------------
"No man has a good enough memory to make a successful liar."
-- Abraham Lincoln
--------------------------------------------
"O what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive."
-- Sir Walter Scott, Marmion
--------------------------------------------
"A lie may take care of the present, but it has no future."
-- Author Unknown
--------------------------------------------
"If it's a cloudy day, saying repeatedly that the sun is shining does not make it a sunny day."
-- Me
--------------------------------------------
"Anybody can claim to be a bird, but jumping off the edge of a cliff is the real test."
-- Me
--------------------------------------------
"Truth is such a rare thing, it is delightful to tell it."
-- Emily Dickinson
--------------------------------------------
"The cruelest lies are often told in silence"
-- Adlai Stevenson
--------------------------------------------
"A half truth is a whole lie."
-- Yiddish Proverb
--------------------------------------------
"There is no well-defined boundary between honesty and dishonesty. The frontiers of one blend with the outside limits of the other, and he who attempts to tread this dangerous ground may be sometimes in one domain and sometimes in the other."
-- O. Henry
--------------------------------------------
"Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawful tender for a loaf of bread."
-- Josh Billings
--------------------------------------------
"Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing the matter with this, except that it ain't so."
-- Mark Twain
--------------------------------------------
"Too much honor destroys a man quicker than too much of any other fine quality."
-- Ernest Hemingway in “Death in the Afternoon”
--------------------------------------------
"Words! Words! Words! I'm so sick of words!...If you're on fire, show me!"
-- Eliza Doolittle in “My Fair Lady”
--------------------------------------------
“Listen—I say that justice is nothing other than the advantage of the stronger.”
-- Thrasymachus in Plato's "Republic"
--------------------------------------------
"You see, Socrates, immorality if practiced on a large enough scale has more power, license and authority than morality."
-- Thrasymachus in Plato's 'Republic'
--------------------------------------------
"A man who doesn't trust himself can never really trust anyone else."
-- Cardinal De Retz
--------------------------------------------
"Trust is always earned, never given."
-- R. Williams
--------------------------------------------
"Trust is the easiest thing in the world to loose, and the hardest thing in the world to get back."
-- R. Williams
--------------------------------------------
"We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy."
-- Walter Anderson
--------------------------------------------
"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough."
-- Frank Crane
--------------------------------------------
"If you have one ounce of common sense and one good friend, you don't need an analyst."
-- Joan Crawford
--------------------------------------------
"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."
-- Walter Winchell
--------------------------------------------
"Friendship is a sheltering tree."
-- S. Taylor-Coleridge
--------------------------------------------
"Friendship is a SPECIAL relationship embodying the qualities of trust, respect, caring, and reliance which may develop between two people who actively share a personally significant real-life goal, purpose, or experience on a regular basis and in close proximity to each other."
-- Me
--------------------------------------------
"Never confuse being CORDIAL (i.e., courteous or gracious—connoting behavior that is guarded, formal, and perhaps disingenuous and dictated by protocol since you can be cordial to someone you don't even like) with being FRIENDLY (characteristic of or befitting a friend, kind, helpful, favorably disposed, amicable—connoting behavior that is more honest, informal, relaxed, and casual) or with being A FRIEND (a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard; a supporter, comrade, or ally—connoting behavior that is real and based on honesty and trust)."
-- Me
--------------------------------------------
"Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship -- never."
-- Charles Caleb Colton
--------------------------------------------
"Love is friendship set to music."
-- E. Joseph Crossmann
--------------------------------------------
"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
--------------------------------------------
"The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands."
-- Quoted by Alexandra Penney in Self
--------------------------------------------
"Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved."
-- William Shakespeare, Sonnet 116
--------------------------------------------
"For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe... Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly that same end."
-- H. L. Mencken
--------------------------------------------
"Trust lies at the core of love; there can be no true love without trust."
-- M.K.Soni
--------------------------------------------
"One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives."
-- Euripides
--------------------------------------------
"A friend who is near and dear may in time become as useless as a relative."
-- George Ade
--------------------------------------------
"Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer"
-- Michael Corleone in “The Godfather—Part II”
--------------------------------------------
"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names"
-- John F. Kennedy
--------------------------------------------
"Living well is the best revenge."
-- George Herbert; English clergyman & metaphysical poet (1593 - 1633)
--------------------------------------------
"The price of greatness is responsibility."
-- Sir Winston Churchill
--------------------------------------------
"Humanism is a progressive philosophy of life that, without supernaturalism, affirms our ability and responsibility to lead ethical lives of personal fulfillment that aspire to the greater good of humanity."
-- Humanist Manifesto III
--------------------------------------------
"If you are going through hell, keep going."
-- Sir Winston Churchill
--------------------------------------------
"Never abandon life. There is a way out of everything except death."
-- Sir Winston Churchill
--------------------------------------------
"Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees all others."
-- Sir Winston Churchill
--------------------------------------------
"Success is never final, and failure never fatal; it’s courage that counts."
-- Unknown Source
--------------------------------------------
"The time to take counsel of your fears is before you make an important battle decision. That's the time to listen to every fear you can imagine! When you have collected all the facts and fears and made your decision, turn off all your fears and go ahead!"
-- George S. Patton
--------------------------------------------
"Worry is the interest you pay on trouble before it is due."
-- Unknown Source
--------------------------------------------
"I've found that luck is quite predictable. If you want more luck, take more chances. Be more active. Show up more often."
-- Brian Tracy
--------------------------------------------
"Chance favors only those who court her."
-- Charles Nicolle
--------------------------------------------
"What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?"
-- Ursula K. LeGuin
--------------------------------------------
"Don’t spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door."
-- Gabrielle (Coco) Chanel
--------------------------------------------
"If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door."
-- Milton Berle
--------------------------------------------
"A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous."
-- Gabrielle (Coco) Chanel
--------------------------------------------
"You’re a woman if others say you are ... femaleness is in the eye of the beholder"
-- Cynthia Eller
--------------------------------------------
"There are two kinds of women: those who want power in the world, and those who want power in bed."
-- Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
--------------------------------------------
"I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding."
-- Anaïs Nin
--------------------------------------------
"Chicks were born to give you fever,
be it farenheit or centigrade.
They give ya fever when you kiss them;
fever if you live and learn.
Fever ‘till you sizzle.
What a lovely way to burn."
-- Peggy Lee, “Fever”
--------------------------------------------
"Sex is dirty sheets."
-- Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
--------------------------------------------
"There have already been two Duchesses of Westminster; there is only one Mademoiselle Chanel."
-- Gabrielle (Coco) Chanel
--------------------------------------------
"The first time you marry for love; the second for money; and the third for companionship."
-- Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
--------------------------------------------
"A woman is closest to being naked when she is well dressed."
-- Gabrielle (Coco) Chanel
--------------------------------------------
"Simplicity is the keynote of all true elegance."
-- Gabrielle (Coco) Chanel
--------------------------------------------
"Elegance is not the prerogative of those who have just escaped from adolescence, but of those who have already taken possession of their future."
-- Gabrielle (Coco) Chanel
--------------------------------------------
"It doesn’t seem to me that this fantastically marvelous universe, this tremendous range of time and space and different kinds of animals, and all the different planets, and all these atoms with all their motions, and so on, all this complicated thing can merely be a stage so that God can watch human beings struggle for good and evil—which is the view that religion has. The stage is too big for the drama."
-- Richard Feynman
--------------------------------------------
"Quantum mechanics is certainly imposing. But an inner voice tells me that it is not yet the real thing. The theory says a lot, but does not really bring us any closer to the secret of the ‘old one’. I, at any rate, am convinced that He does not throw dice."
-- Albert Einstein
--------------------------------------------
"There is no more common error than to assume that, because prolonged and accurate mathematical calculation have been made, the application of the result to some fact of nature is absolutely certain."
-- A. N. Whitehead
--------------------------------------------
"I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated."
-- Poul Anderson
--------------------------------------------
“The more the universe seems comprehensible, the more it also seems pointless.... The effort to understand the universe is one of the very few things that lifts human life a little above the level of farce, and gives it some of the grace of tragedy.”
-- Steven Weinberg
--------------------------------------------
"As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being."
-- Carl Jung
--------------------------------------------
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
-- William Shakespeare in “Macbeth” (spoken by Macbeth in Act 5, Scene 5, lines 19-28)
--------------------------------------------
All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts…
-- William Shakespeare in “As You Like It” (spoken by Jaques in Act II, Scene VII, lines 139-166)
"People would not worry so much about what others think of them if they realized how little they did."
-- Oscar Wilde
--------------------------------------------
”A man can spend his whole existence never learning the simple lesson that he has only one life and that if he fails to do what he wants with it, nobody else really cares."
-- Louis Auchincloss
--------------------------------------------
Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't. You must do the things you think you cannot do.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
--------------------------------------------
”If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much."
-- Jim Rohn
--------------------------------------------
"But now old friends are acting strange.
They shake their heads. They say I've changed.
Well, something's lost, but something's gained
in living everyday.
I've looked at life from both sides now."
-- Judy Collins in “Both Sides Now”
-------------------------------------------
"I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet."
-- Gandhi
--------------------------------------------
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
-- Agnes Repplier
--------------------------------------------
"A rose is a rose is a rose"
-- Gertrude Stein
--------------------------------------------
-- Harold MacMillan
--------------------------------------------
"Wherever you go, go with all your heart."
-- Confucius
--------------------------------------------
"One thing about trains. It doesn't matter where they're going. What really matters is deciding to get on!"
-- from “The Polar Express”
--------------------------------------------
"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
-- Anaïs Nin
--------------------------------------------
"Nothing changes if nothing changes."
-- Unknown Source
--------------------------------------------
"There is nothing in this world constant but inconstancy."
-- Jonathan Swift
--------------------------------------------
"There is no knowledge of true being. The world is fundamentally in a state of becoming."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
--------------------------------------------
"When you’re finished changing, you’re finished."
-- Benjamin Franklin
--------------------------------------------
"I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it."
-- Pablo Picasso
--------------------------------------------
"In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different."
-- Gabrielle (Coco) Chanel
--------------------------------------------
"Ithaca" by Constantine P. Cavafy
When you set out on your journey to Ithaca,
pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the angry Poseidon -- do not fear them:
You will never find such as these on your path,
if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
emotion touches your spirit and your body.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the fierce Poseidon you will never encounter,
if you do not carry them within your soul,
if your soul does not set them up before you.
Pray that the road is long.
That the summer mornings are many, when,
with such pleasure, with such joy
you will enter ports seen for the first time;
stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
and sensual perfumes of all kinds,
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
visit many Egyptian cities,
to learn and learn from scholars.
Always keep Ithaca in your mind.
To arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for many years;
and to anchor at the island when you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riches.
Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would have never set out on the road.
She has nothing more to give you.
And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not deceived you.
Wise as you have become, with so much experience,
you must already have understood what Ithacas mean.
--------------------------------------------
"The god forsakes Antony" by Constantine P. Cavafy
When suddenly, at the midnight hour,
an invisible troupe is heard passing
with exquisite music, with shouts --
your fortune that fails you now, your works
that have failed, the plans of your life
that have all turned out to be illusions, do not mourn in vain.
As if long prepared, as if courageous,
bid her farewell, the Alexandria that is leaving.
Above all do not be fooled, do not tell yourself
it was a dream, that your ears deceived you;
do not stoop to such vain hopes.
As if long prepared, as if courageous,
as it becomes you who have been worthy of such a city,
approach the window with firm step,
and with emotion, but not
with the entreaties and complaints of the coward,
as a last enjoyment listen to the sounds,
the exquisite instruments of the mystical troupe,
and bid her farewell, the Alexandria you are losing.
--------------------------------------------
”The old dreams were good dreams; they didn't work out, but I'm glad I had them."
-- from "The Bridges of Madison County"
--------------------------------------------
"I love my past. I love my present. I'm not ashamed of what I've had, and I'm not sad because I have it no longer."
-- Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette (French writer, usually known simply by her pen-name "Colette") from "The Last of Cheri", 1926
--------------------------------------------
"If you want to touch the past, touch a rock". Yet, I do think it's important to remember that not all rocks are just rocks; some are beautiful gems if you look closely enough.
-- The Optimism Revolution with editorial comment by Moi
--------------------------------------------
"Keep memories in their place—a record only of the past, with no life of their own, to be used judiciously to guide our present."
-- Moi
--------------------------------------------
"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."
-- The Great Gatsby
--------------------------------------------
"Destinations are where we begin again."
-- from the song "Believe" in the movie "The Polar Express"
--------------------------------------------
"Success is often achieved by those who don’t know that failure is inevitable."
-- Gabrielle (Coco) Chanel
--------------------------------------------
”Have no fear of perfection. You'll never reach it."
-- Salvadore Dali
"There is no formula for success except perhaps unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings."
-- Arthur Rubinstein
--------------------------------------------
"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there. You must go beyond them."
-- Bruce Lee
"Analysis destroys wholes. Some things, magic things, are meant to stay whole. If you look at their pieces, they go away."
-- from "The Bridges of Madison County"
--------------------------------------------
"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift."
-- Albert Einstein
--------------------------------------------
"The power of imagination makes us infinite."
-- John Muir
--------------------------------------------
"You have to think like water."
-- Anonymous Plumber from Nantucket
--------------------------------------------
"Everything has its secrets. Dark matter and dark energy seem to make up most of the mass of the universe (matter and energy are considered to be two forms of the same thing, thanks to Einstein's famous equation E=Mc^2). Dark energy accounts for about 74% of the universe, while dark matter adds about 22%, and normal, visible matter adds a puny 4%. By contrast 10% to 20% of an iceberg is visible!"
-- Moi
--------------------------------------------
{structural engineering is}...
“the art of molding materials we do not really understand
into shapes we cannot really analyze,
so as to withstand forces we cannot really assess,
in such a way that the public does not really suspect.”
-- Eric H. Brown
--------------------------------------------
"Irrationality is the square root of all evil."
-- Douglas Hofstadter
--------------------------------------------
"While you're talking, you're not learning anything."
-- Richard Feynman
--------------------------------------------
"The Song Of Wandering Aengus" - by W. B. Yeats
Music by Philip Leitch Donovan on verses by W.B.Yeats. Illustrations by Cronogeo
--------------------------------------------
"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned
Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned"
-- William Congreve
--------------------------------------------
"...the art of politics must be the art of engaging the passions, first by exciting them, then by moderating and directing them to a worthy end, one that reason may reveal but cannot achieve."
-- Mark Lilla, professor of humanities at Columbia University
--------------------------------------------
"It's easy. Pretend to know what you don't, and pretend not to know when you do. Hear what you don't understand and don't hear what you do. Promise what you cannot deliver, what you have no intention of delivering. Make a great secret of hiding what isn't there. Plead you're busy as you spend your time sharpening pencils. Speak profoundly to cover up you emptiness, encourage spies, reward traitors, tamper with seals, intercept letters, hide the ineptitude of your goals by speaking of them glowingly—that's all there is to politics, I swear."
--Pierre Beaumarchais writes in "The Marriage of Figaro"
--------------------------------------------
"Politics only rewards success. Best efforts earn only a bitter smile."
--Pierre Beaumarchais
--------------------------------------------
"Never give in. Never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."
-- Sir Winston Churchill
--------------------------------------------
"Truth is incontrovertible,
ignorance can deride it,
panic may resent it,
malice may destroy it,
but there it is."
-- Sir Winston Churchill
--------------------------------------------
"By a lie a man throws away and, as it were, annihilates his dignity as a man. A man who himself does not believe what he tells another … has even less worth than if he were a mere thing. … makes himself a mere deceptive appearance of man, not man himself."
-- Immanuel Kant
--------------------------------------------
"a very wholesome and comfortable doctrine to which (there is) but one objection: namely, that it is not true."
-- Henry Fielding
--------------------------------------------
"Don't write it if you can speak it; and don't speak it if you can just nod."
-- Unknown
--------------------------------------------
"It is accepted that a man’s first truth is what he hides."
-- André Malraux
--------------------------------------------
"It is not difficult to deceive the first time, for the deceived possesses no antibodies; unvaccinated by suspicion, she overlooks lateness, accepts absurd excuses, permits the flimsiest patching to repair great rents in the quotidian."
-- John Updike
--------------------------------------------
"No man has a good enough memory to make a successful liar."
-- Abraham Lincoln
--------------------------------------------
"O what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive."
-- Sir Walter Scott, Marmion
--------------------------------------------
"A lie may take care of the present, but it has no future."
-- Author Unknown
--------------------------------------------
"If it's a cloudy day, saying repeatedly that the sun is shining does not make it a sunny day."
-- Me
--------------------------------------------
"Anybody can claim to be a bird, but jumping off the edge of a cliff is the real test."
-- Me
--------------------------------------------
"Truth is such a rare thing, it is delightful to tell it."
-- Emily Dickinson
--------------------------------------------
"The cruelest lies are often told in silence"
-- Adlai Stevenson
--------------------------------------------
"A half truth is a whole lie."
-- Yiddish Proverb
--------------------------------------------
"There is no well-defined boundary between honesty and dishonesty. The frontiers of one blend with the outside limits of the other, and he who attempts to tread this dangerous ground may be sometimes in one domain and sometimes in the other."
-- O. Henry
--------------------------------------------
"Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawful tender for a loaf of bread."
-- Josh Billings
--------------------------------------------
"Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing the matter with this, except that it ain't so."
-- Mark Twain
--------------------------------------------
"Too much honor destroys a man quicker than too much of any other fine quality."
-- Ernest Hemingway in “Death in the Afternoon”
--------------------------------------------
"Words! Words! Words! I'm so sick of words!...If you're on fire, show me!"
-- Eliza Doolittle in “My Fair Lady”
--------------------------------------------
“Listen—I say that justice is nothing other than the advantage of the stronger.”
-- Thrasymachus in Plato's "Republic"
--------------------------------------------
"You see, Socrates, immorality if practiced on a large enough scale has more power, license and authority than morality."
-- Thrasymachus in Plato's 'Republic'
--------------------------------------------
"A man who doesn't trust himself can never really trust anyone else."
-- Cardinal De Retz
--------------------------------------------
"Trust is always earned, never given."
-- R. Williams
--------------------------------------------
"Trust is the easiest thing in the world to loose, and the hardest thing in the world to get back."
-- R. Williams
--------------------------------------------
"We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy."
-- Walter Anderson
--------------------------------------------
"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough."
-- Frank Crane
--------------------------------------------
"If you have one ounce of common sense and one good friend, you don't need an analyst."
-- Joan Crawford
--------------------------------------------
"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."
-- Walter Winchell
--------------------------------------------
"Friendship is a sheltering tree."
-- S. Taylor-Coleridge
--------------------------------------------
"Friendship is a SPECIAL relationship embodying the qualities of trust, respect, caring, and reliance which may develop between two people who actively share a personally significant real-life goal, purpose, or experience on a regular basis and in close proximity to each other."
-- Me
--------------------------------------------
"Never confuse being CORDIAL (i.e., courteous or gracious—connoting behavior that is guarded, formal, and perhaps disingenuous and dictated by protocol since you can be cordial to someone you don't even like) with being FRIENDLY (characteristic of or befitting a friend, kind, helpful, favorably disposed, amicable—connoting behavior that is more honest, informal, relaxed, and casual) or with being A FRIEND (a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard; a supporter, comrade, or ally—connoting behavior that is real and based on honesty and trust)."
-- Me
--------------------------------------------
"Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship -- never."
-- Charles Caleb Colton
--------------------------------------------
"Love is friendship set to music."
-- E. Joseph Crossmann
--------------------------------------------
"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
--------------------------------------------
"The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands."
-- Quoted by Alexandra Penney in Self
--------------------------------------------
"Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved."
-- William Shakespeare, Sonnet 116
--------------------------------------------
"For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe... Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly that same end."
-- H. L. Mencken
--------------------------------------------
"Trust lies at the core of love; there can be no true love without trust."
-- M.K.Soni
--------------------------------------------
"One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives."
-- Euripides
--------------------------------------------
"A friend who is near and dear may in time become as useless as a relative."
-- George Ade
--------------------------------------------
"Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer"
-- Michael Corleone in “The Godfather—Part II”
--------------------------------------------
"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names"
-- John F. Kennedy
--------------------------------------------
"Living well is the best revenge."
-- George Herbert; English clergyman & metaphysical poet (1593 - 1633)
--------------------------------------------
"The price of greatness is responsibility."
-- Sir Winston Churchill
--------------------------------------------
"Humanism is a progressive philosophy of life that, without supernaturalism, affirms our ability and responsibility to lead ethical lives of personal fulfillment that aspire to the greater good of humanity."
-- Humanist Manifesto III
--------------------------------------------
"If you are going through hell, keep going."
-- Sir Winston Churchill
--------------------------------------------
"Never abandon life. There is a way out of everything except death."
-- Sir Winston Churchill
--------------------------------------------
"Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees all others."
-- Sir Winston Churchill
--------------------------------------------
"Success is never final, and failure never fatal; it’s courage that counts."
-- Unknown Source
--------------------------------------------
"The time to take counsel of your fears is before you make an important battle decision. That's the time to listen to every fear you can imagine! When you have collected all the facts and fears and made your decision, turn off all your fears and go ahead!"
-- George S. Patton
--------------------------------------------
"Worry is the interest you pay on trouble before it is due."
-- Unknown Source
--------------------------------------------
"I've found that luck is quite predictable. If you want more luck, take more chances. Be more active. Show up more often."
-- Brian Tracy
--------------------------------------------
"Chance favors only those who court her."
-- Charles Nicolle
--------------------------------------------
"What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?"
-- Ursula K. LeGuin
--------------------------------------------
"Don’t spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door."
-- Gabrielle (Coco) Chanel
--------------------------------------------
"If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door."
-- Milton Berle
--------------------------------------------
"A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous."
-- Gabrielle (Coco) Chanel
--------------------------------------------
"You’re a woman if others say you are ... femaleness is in the eye of the beholder"
-- Cynthia Eller
--------------------------------------------
"There are two kinds of women: those who want power in the world, and those who want power in bed."
-- Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
--------------------------------------------
"I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding."
-- Anaïs Nin
--------------------------------------------
"Chicks were born to give you fever,
be it farenheit or centigrade.
They give ya fever when you kiss them;
fever if you live and learn.
Fever ‘till you sizzle.
What a lovely way to burn."
-- Peggy Lee, “Fever”
--------------------------------------------
"Sex is dirty sheets."
-- Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
--------------------------------------------
"There have already been two Duchesses of Westminster; there is only one Mademoiselle Chanel."
-- Gabrielle (Coco) Chanel
--------------------------------------------
"The first time you marry for love; the second for money; and the third for companionship."
-- Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
--------------------------------------------
"A woman is closest to being naked when she is well dressed."
-- Gabrielle (Coco) Chanel
--------------------------------------------
"Simplicity is the keynote of all true elegance."
-- Gabrielle (Coco) Chanel
--------------------------------------------
"Elegance is not the prerogative of those who have just escaped from adolescence, but of those who have already taken possession of their future."
-- Gabrielle (Coco) Chanel
--------------------------------------------
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